When I Look at You

So this is how my day went.

Buddy and my first cross country jump for both of us. I know it tiny, but its a big deal for us. He was weird jumping in the arena at first, running out on random things practically in slow motion, just not figuring out striding and feeling the need to add a stride or Superman at random times. I usually have way more GO with him, but at first today he felt like I was riding him backwards to every fence. But damn, once he gets it, he GETS it. Helped that we went outside, did a quick jaunt around the field, then jump some new stuff he'd never seen before. I spent 4 extra hours at the barn today just taking care of Buddy and pampering him, or just watching him in the pasture while I helped build fences for the new pastures with Gina and Jeff. He absolutely mesmerizes me. Now that his weight is back up and he's so balanced and happy in his pasture, I feel like all my world's problems have vanished. He's getting along famously with the other geldings, sharing patches of grass cheek to cheek with Ben, greeting Earl at his stall each time he's turned out from feeding time, letting Blackjack share the spilled crumbs from Elvis's dinner in the courtyard. I worried about him again this week when he acted up, but chalked it up to the weather change cause he's my very own Mustang-barometer and his nutjob brain let me know the weather was about to change. You can always count on Buddy to let you know when the weather's going to change a day or so ahead of time. I've been doing a lot of calm ground work with him to make him feel safe and be able to better predict his daily schedule, opening gates the same way, leading him out of his stall without halter or lead rope, just letting him follow by my shoulder and stopping with me. He thrives on routine and with all these pastures going up around him and construction still happening to the barn, he's much calmer on the days we have our little lunch dates and do ground work. Today was no exception- no aggression, totally ignored the other geldings when they made the stupid disgusting mares squeal over the fence and carry on, just went on grazing. He's clearly #1 in the herd because all he has to do is shoot a dirty look at the big TBs and they flee. He keep Ben and Blackjack in his inner circle still, but chooses, as he's always done, to keep his distance over all from the herd. He's always been a bit of a loner, taking on the stallion role of a typical wild herd and hanging in the shadows to watch for predators and look over the herd instead of being the social, authoritative lead mare role who referees daily squabbles and drama amongst the herd members.

He mirrors my inner self so well sometimes. Perfect Gemini. Outgoing, noisy, life of the party, has to let everyone know he's there and draws in the room. Then when he gets overwhelmed, he shuts down, sits back quietly off by himself just watching, taking things in, reading the others around the room while they interact. Gina says he used to always be the first in the to eat for the 1st week or so, now he's typically dead last, not even caring to catch up to the mares. She says its like he's playing the big poppa role, making sure everyone's in a settled before he can eat. This horse has been in my life for 5 years I don't think he'll ever stop absolutely captivating and surprising me.

when my world is falling apart
when there's no light to break up the dark
that's when I look at you

when I look at you, I see forgiveness, I see the truth
you love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon
right there where they belong
and I know I'm not alone