Not While I'm Around

Stressed out about Buddy. He's been bannished to a pasture by himself for being accused of being too aggressive toward the other geldings in the mixed pastures he was turned out on. Not my choice to ever put him with mares, but they didn't give us a choice and things are so much worse while the mares are all in heat. He's not happy about it, but maybe this'll get him over his starting of herd sour crap that he's been pulling since the mares have been in heat. I can only hope that my friend Francesca brings her 16.1 8 year old OTTB Diesel down if she transfers to SIU for sure in the fall, cause Diesel and Buddy would be perfect pasture mates. Buddy can be "Rough" and Diesel can be "Tumble". Him being alone til potentially August breaks my heart, but I'm starting to believe its honestly the healthiest option we have right now at this point. He wasn't eating well and was too stressed out about herd structure out in the big pasture.
Kinda looking forward to having a summer to myself. Need to lose weight before the wedding, need to just be mentally healthy again. Happy to have plenty of time to spend with the Buddy boy. I feel like I'm idling again, feeling that itch to uproot and leave again. Need to hold on just a little longer for that damn graduation. I don't understand why all of the contacts and relationships I make have expiration times. Like I'm only able to hold the pretenses of a relationship with any given person for a limited amount of time before shit blows up. Maybe its my tendancy to peace out the second things get dicey. Maybe its my complete inabilty to put forth my true self in fear that someone may not actually like me or get alone with me. But I've found recently that it doesn't matter how f-ing nice you are to some people, they're still crazy dramatic sociopaths that you just can't predict. I don't know if it bothers me more that these types of people don't like me for no apparent reason, or that I care that they don't like me. Why does it matter? Since when am I the type of person to give a shit about that stuff? Confusing, involves thinking, involves stress, therefore Krisann up and leaves. Probably why Buddy is so good for my mental health and growth. I can't, nor will I ever, just up and walk away from him.